The Government strikes smells.

Amidst all the furore surrounding new terror laws and what have you, not many have noticed the way the british government have been creating laws to aid and pouring money into the cosmetics industry. This is all part of the campaign to create an image of Britain for the rest of the world. In a recent World Survey Britain ranked lower than France and Italy in 'Perceived Cleanliness'. In the same survey, were it not for most of Africa and South America, Great Britain would have been bottom of the table for 'Perceived Personal Hygeine'. This is in stark contrast to the last World Survey (1946) where Great Britain ranked highly in matters of cleanliness and hygeine as well as the highly esteemed category of 'general courtesy'. Interestingly, since that survey, Germany has climbed 174 places overall. In a leaked cabinet memo Prime Minister Gordon Brown is recorded as saying "we can no longer count on discovering more countries in the Pacific Ocean so that our overall position seems higher than it really is. Inventing a country is simply impossible since the invention of the internet and besides all the good names have been taken." He also offered a motion to subtly improve the nation's appearance and general smell. The government used money raised by their 'Peerage for Sale' scheme to fund the work done by Unilever (owner of the 'Lynx' brand) and to encourage them to develop new smells and to branch out into shower gels, shampoos etc. Another government scheme introduced is using a programme called the 'GNVQ' to encourage those who deem it wise to study 'Beauty' as well as 'Hairdressing' and all things aesthetic...

The issue here is not that the government is spending our money on making us look better (they know much better than we do what to do with our money after all). The issue is that they are doing it behind our backs, inventing terrorist strikes and wars all over the world so that we would not notice. Why disguise such a thing? Where is the harm in promoting personal hygeine? There must be an equally sinister and dark reason behind such logic. I, for one, do not intend on sticking around to discover it...